Sunday, July 26, 2009

Emotionally Slutty

Hey Ladies!

I know you all love quoting and discussing Sex And The City. It's like THE reference for us and I'd like today to share with you the article of Mel [her blog is awesome by the way] on being "emotionally slutty" (Carrie Bradshaw). I'd love to know your thoughts on this topic.
Just to tell you a little bit more about Mel, she's pursuing a Ph.D. in the behavioral sciences and she writes about a wide range of subjects such as psychology, social sciences, dating ...etc.

Here is her article "Emotionally Slutty"
"I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty." -Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City"

In yet another way that the ladies and writers of SATC have managed to describe a uniquely bizarre and unsettling moment in my life, Carrie brought us the idea of being emotionally slutty. I, regularly emotionally retarded (literally, other people learned how to handle emotions and I try to fake it and teach myself), have had moments where I've felt emotionally slutty. Sometimes it's really just because I'm so closed off that any attempts at letting others in make me feel naked, exposed, and I soon feel slutty and regret it.

But recently, I did it again with my recently close male friend. I sort of just told him some of the stuff about my family... I really don't know why. I guess I wanted to see if he had already heard rumors (because he's connected to me through school distantly, but we know mostly the same people) and I wanted to see how he'd react, what he'd say. I guess I also wanted him to know that while I'm normally an emotional mess, I'm particularly weird and messy these days (though I feel like I have to stop using that excuse because all of this stuff has been happening for so long, but at the same time, everything still applies). He reacted well, I think, mostly tried to understand and he did try to make me feel better - I asked for personal details about his life and he complied.

I just feel bad about it and don't know how to fix it. I'm thinking that I don't talk to him for a week and then pretend it never happened... normally I know that's a bad plan, but for now, when I feel like I've already been too open and had too much talk about feelings (because seriously, I want to keep hanging out with him and watch more sports and I want to go on his hikes because girls can't go alone, while guys can and it's tough finding people nowadays). I honestly don't even know if I have a crush on him, but the whole thing is definitely extra-weird because we have become a pseudo-couple and it would be easier for everyone else if we were dating, but I just can't even think about that right now, though I feel like any of that tension is exacerbated by my uncontrollable word vomit.

So, do you guys have any ideas? How do you fix emotionally-slutty-slips? Is there an equivalent to an emotional garbage bag I can wear to turn my feelings into a grab bag of mystery and illusions?"



O.F.C.J. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
O.F.C.J. said...

Well I wouldn't go so far as to call this emotional sluttiness. I think you just have a problem knowing when it's enough sometimes. It seems like you keep in so much for so much time that when you do open, you spill a bit...well, much. Understand and develop self control and boundaries. This can be difficult because sometimes you may honestly not know what is "enough" until after you've already given too much. I understand. I think it definitely helps to play future hypothetical but realistic conversations in your head like you would in real life, then mark what you did wrong, and sit bad and think of how bad it would be if that actually happened. And thank God it didn't. Note what you should have done and WHY, and when the next time comes apply those notes in some way.

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