Detachment

Hey Ladies!

Happy Friday! Long time no "Featuring You". Here is a cute post for today, recommended by Deva. Thank you Deva!

Now girls enjoy reading! Unfortunately I am unable to upload photos. There should be a picture included for this post.

Best,
Fran

Detachment (http://2020crayola.blogspot.com/2009/06/detachment.html)
By "Crayola" (http://2020crayola.blogspot.com/)

When I was 9 years I got married to who I thought would be my elementary school sweetheart, Sanjeet. He and I got married at recess. He made me a flower ring by tying the stem of the flower to make a circle. We broke up later on because our fake son told me that he was cheating on me with this thick girl named Reginae. Our fake son lied....that was my first break up. Since then there has been

1. Soccer
2. D. Rob
3. Batts
4. Mike
5. Mr. Carter
6. Swales

Five out of six of the aforementioned relationships ended up with me getting my feelings hurt. Thats not okay. And five out of six of them, I actually put forth effort to try to rekindle or make things work out. I still pushed for the idea of a possibility instead of accepting the natural way that things were suppose to happen. For instance, D. Rob, my boyfriend from 10th to 12th grade really did me a favor by breaking up with me...now, he is working at some mortician place with a 2 yr old daughter and baby mama who apparently had sex with one of his friends. I dont talk to him often at all but he doesnt seem to have it all. If I woulda stayed with him, i would be that baby mama-ugh. I would not have been able to access my own power and potential because his bad luck and energy would have rubbed off on my, like it does when sex happends, and I too would have been unsuccessful at age 21. It took for him to transfer school for me to completely detach myself from him. Just like I am beginning to see that I will have to do with each of my other exes. I need to focus soley on self and stop putting forth effort to shit that i know is not going to work out. Im bouta stop fighting for shit that isnt fighting for me.

Sooo Im making a resolution, in light of my new found single, black womanhood, I will date:






No scrubs lol
Men who commit to me as much as I commit to them
Men who wipe their own ass
Men who inspire me, not so much as the other way around
Men who match my fly
Men who dont try to be cool
Men who are cool with out effort
Men who like Malcolm X, etc.
Men who aspire to work in leadership positions
Men who can dance as good as I can
Men who can talk about politics
Men who can cook
Men who insist and help me learn how to cook
Men who have a mind of their own
Men who are gentlemen
Men who wont be threatened by me
Men who recognized that I am a Empress
Men are in the process of getting their shit together
Family men
Men who havent been arrested
Men who can tell me whats wrong with my car
Men who are fun
Men who play fight

The list is long but I dont think that the things that Im asking for are out of reach. I fit into all the aforementioned categories. I mean, really, is it too much to ask for someone who is equally yoked???

thats all i got for now...

Life Is Like...

"Do you ever think about life as a metaphor for television?"

"The best way to waste your life, ... is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don't participate."

There is a blog survey in many blogs I read recently. People list out things that they can/ can't do; will/ won't do; and should/ shouldn't do. Five items for each of those things, and they can be listed in any order and connected by "and" or "but". It is an interesting way for us to know ourselves. Here is my list.

Talking about life, today in our "Featuring You" series, I would like to feature Ana from far away, :o) and her post about "Life". Here it is. Enjoy reading, and tell us what you think.

Comparisons… random stuff

By Ana from far away

This morning I was analyzing my ceiling fan, watching it spin and spin, and thinking about life. Maybe I got dizzy and my mind started spinning to… so I decided to compare life with everyday random stuff, this is what I came up with. Might sound stupid, but anyways… What would you compare life with?

I would say life´s like______ because______:

- A beach/ with shinny days and storm days
- A sunset/ beautiful, something to contemplate
- Vitamin/ makes you stronger over time
- Diary/ your own pages to write your story
- Flower/ it grows, becomes something beautiful and then dies
- Credit Card/ provides, and then it charges back
- Manicure/ it takes tons of care but is great to have
- Christmas/ has a lot of gifts
- A picture/ is a frozen moment in time that lasts forever
- Broadway/ colorful, happy, and exiting
- Chocolate/ dark and sweet, soft and hard
- An old friend/ always haves good memories to share with someone
- A sale/ a lot of one day only opportunities
- Italy/ it has some AMAZING places
- A kiss/ it comes with a lot of good feelings (most of them)
- Exercise/ makes you stronger and prettier
- A test/ is a hard evaluation to pass
- Bikini season/ lots of sacrifices to make
- Diet/ only with effort you can truly achieve
- Addiction/ is hard to let it go
- A catfight/ you might not always win
- Wearing a dress in a windy place/ you get exposed when you least expect it
- Bad relationship/ could be shallow and a waste of time
- A bug/ is ugly and scary, sometimes comes with a disease also
- A bitch/ is ready to stab your back
- Allergy/ sometimes you can’t breathe properly
- A hangover/ is hard to get out of bed
- A casino/ the house always wins
- High heels/ they make the obstacles seem harder that what they are, even though they look amazing
- A video game/ you play with the elements
- Crashing a car/ is confusing, painful, and expensive
- An airport/ things come and go
- An ear infection/ you lose balance
- Being blind/ you have no idea what is waiting right next to you
- Wine/ is tasteful
- Snow/ is slippery
- A mirror/ it reflects who you are
- Time/ it never stops
- Birthday/ is a celebration
- Car/ it takes you somewhere
- Life/ life… a miracle
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Here are my random comparisons (listed before I read Ana's article):

Life is like a rainbow, you have all sorts of colours there, the dark ones, and the bright ones. A rainbow is beautiful because it does not contain but one colour, it has them all.

Life is like a journey, there are ups, and downs, so you go fast, and you slow down. Go fast and enjoy your ride with the wind, and slow down to enjoy the beautiful scenes along the way. Wherever you go, go with your heart, and stop when you need a rest.

And life is like...

Enjoy the chocolates!!! (I like the picture so much so I use it in our group blog, too!)

Best of luck and love for your life!
Fran

We Are At It Again :o)

Hey Ladies!

To start with, HAPPY CANADA DAY to those who celebrate this special event!!

I have got two questions for you:

1. What are the three rings of marriage?
A great man said, "Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
2. What is the secret of a happy marriage?
Another great man said, "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

The answers are right below the questions, but all letters are mischievously painted white, so they are invisible, and you have to use your mouse to see those words! :o) Hope you enjoy a few chuckles.

Today we are going to talk about marriage (AGAIN), with our "Featuring You" girl, Monica from the U.S. "I write what I write because I can." That is how she describes herself, and I think she IS a cool, talented 20 something writer! I have been reading her blog "Confession Pearls" for quite a while and I do think there are lots of things in it which are relevant to me, and to 20 something ladies in general.

Okay, let's hear her voice now! Enjoy reading, and say what you say!

What's The Point in Marriage?
By Monica

Author Sandra Tsing Loh is ending her 20 year marriage. Why do we care?

We don't!

But she does bring up some good points on marriage in today's society. We'll go into her life later on, but first, a question was proposed by this situation of hers - "If nearly half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, why do people insist on still tying the knot?

Many people marry for various reasons, may it be for money, sex, love, or whatever weird reasons. But with these things, why do we even waste our time doing so? Obviously these marriages don't last because when the sex starts to die out or when the money's gone, so is the partner.

But reading the article on Mrs. Loh, her husband is gone for about 20 weeks in the year. Besides from being gone, I'm sure his life is still consumed with work throughout the rest of the remaining weeks he is in her presence. Also, while he is gone for practically half of the year, Mrs. Loh must depend on herself to take care of herself, their children, the house, bills, and etc. If this is what her life is, what's the point in even getting married?

We can all relate to this, whether you are married or not. We are all consumed by work and other priorities that we don't have time to spend with our significant others. For some, it just feels pointless in being in a relationship. I admit it, sometimes I feel this way because I feel like I already do everything myself.

Mrs. Loh admits that she sees the rest of her life as lonely and going down to the gave as she does most nights of her life as a wife - going to bed alone with a glass of wine and a good book! I don't believe we can live single lives, we all need someone, we need that human touch. What I do believe is the Mrs. Loh is feeling hurt and this is why she has come out and lashed out on the subject of marriage. For her, it was pointless in being married to someone she barely saw and that could not take care of their family. She herself was already doing everything that she just felt no need to be with her husband any longer. Which she was right about! Why be with someone whose values aren't family first or cannot take care of the family emotionally or physically?

What I think is that with this scorn, if she is open enough, she will find someone that can change her ideas. Someone that will heal her of this heartache of someone not being there for her. Although she is an independent woman, she longs for someone she can be dependent on. She needs someone whose values are family first. Hopefully she can find that closure soon.

Mrs. Loh is right, in today's society there is no such thing as happily ever after in a marriage. But to change that, in our relationships, we much look at ourselves and realize what is most important and prioritize. Sure work can pay the mortgage and put food on the table, but it can't take back the years of neglect on a child, wife, husband, or girl/boyfriend.
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For some, it just feels pointless in being in a relationship." Monica is right. I myself sometimes the same way that it is not "necessary" to be in a relationship/ marriage because I can handle things all pretty well by myself. But I guess, and I hope it is merely part of the "20 Something Mentality" and I do hope it will not stick with me for all my life.

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle." - A Great Woman

Want a miracle, too? "Learn to give, and take." My Mom once told me. This December she and my Dad are going to celebrate their 28th wedding anniversary. They are happy, and still so in love. I wish I could be like them one day. "Marry Happily", yeah I want that too.

Much love.

Fran

An "Ugly" Lesson :o)

Hey Ladies!

We have been quoting and discussing Sex And The City for a while- those very gorgeous single women who have everything just so GORGEOUS! Life is so unfair... But I guess many of us are not so "gorgeous" as they are, but still have great life adventures to be excited about, brilliant traits to be proud of, and unique stories of success to make us shine. That is what I am saying- for today's "Featuring You", I would like to feature Valérie from France, with her article about an "ugly but beautiful" lady. Valérie is a student of Psychology from the University University Lumière Lyon 2, and she is going to the University of Birmingham in the U.K. next year! (That is really cool! APPLAUSE!!!)

And her article is "5 Things You Can Learn From The Ugly Betty TV Show"! Enjoy reading!

Best of love!

Fran

5 Things You Can Learn From The Ugly Betty TV Show

By Valérie

1/ You don’t need to come from a top 10 university to succeed in life. What matters the most is your passion and ability to provide a good work and to grab opportunities. Betty may come from the Bronx but in Mode she’s definitely one of the hardest and most respected worker!

2/ To be loyal et faithful to your boss and the company you’re working for is great, but if you refuse all the other opportunities you have because you feel too good in your routine or too scared to see what’s next, it’s bad. Step out of your comfort zone and try to reach your dreams rather than staying where you are. Betty took the opportunity to work at the magazine Sophia created in the first season. She also chose later to go back to school and professionalize herself. She found love along the road. That’s all good, right? And even if it’s not, it’s actually okay: it's still a good experience.

3/ Being honest may put you in uncomfortable situations sometimes but in the end people will only see how respectable you are. So, it’s like a bad thing (it can creates a few drama) but for a good thing in the end (everybody will see how great you are!). Daniel, Marc & Amanda always want to lie to everybody but Betty taught them that saying the truth is the best thing to do. Everybody hates fake people!

4/ Don’t let anything stop you in your career or even your life in general: what people told you does not matter, where you come from does not matter neither! At the beginning of the show, Betty’s sister, Hilda, as well as her father, keep on telling Betty to quit her job, that she doesn’t belong to this world. She didn’t listen to them and it obviously worked.

5/ Be who you truly are and don’t try to fit in the standard criteria of beauty or what’s trendy. What will make you stand up is your originality and creativity. When you try to be somebody you’re not, you usually fill ill at ease. So, what’s the point doing that? You’ll go way further if you are just you :) What I like in Betty is that even after 2 seasons, she is still the same. She changed a little her appearance, you can see her with fashion items but it’s still customized in her own way. It’s colourful, it’s bold, it’s Betty!

Any other lesson you learn while watching the show?

A Happy Beginning! :o)

Before we start...

Hey ladies!

Besides writing, I have been reading along many awesome blogs by ladies from all over the world, and I finally decided to count "Featuring You" into our group blog programme. I am going to feature some great, well-written, to-the-point posts written by ladies every day. (Or perhaps by guys... Let's see.) Their websites and names will all be listed on the left sidebar of this blog, under the name of "Our Featuring You Programme"!

Today the writer in our "Featuring You" Programme is Lisa from San Francisco. She is currently living in London, and her featured article for today is "Where Is My Happy Ending? [or beginning]"

Here it is. Enjoy reading!

Best of luck and love for your life!

Fran

Where’s my happy ending? [or beginning]

By Lisa

I see it every day. The young couple strolling through St. James’ Park, pausing between strides in order to share a brief kiss or embrace. That glowing woman on the Underground- her husband clutching onto her waist so firmly, yet gentle, so she won’t fall over or wobble on the fast and jolty tube ride. The foreign couple navigating through the streets of London, map in hand, not speaking a word of English but somehow managing to safely find their way together throughout the city. The man buying fresh roses or freesias from the flower stand around the corner, or the one standing in line at the grocery store calling his girlfriend to ask what sort of wine she wants. The laughs, the smiles. I see love around me everyday, and it is so beautiful.

I have never been one of ‘those’ girls who needs a guy in their life. I have known girls who literally cannot function without a member of the opposite sex glued to their hip, shuffling through relationships as if men are some sort of card deck. I have witnessed female friends very close to me immerse themselves so much in their boyfriends that, tragically, at that very moment when their relationship becomes broken, that same girl becomes lost and almost childlike, completely devoid of any personal understanding of who or what she is. Without that guy on her arm, she knows nothing. It’s sad.

I have learned to enjoy my own company, particularly now that I am living alone in a brand new city. I have never allowed another individual to define me as a person. No guy can alter me to fit the specific mold he wants to create for his girlfriend. I am me, and I have found out (and I am still finding out) who I am, irrespective of any rich or handsome boyfriend. Following this rational thinking trend, I have always tried to do what seems smart, logical, or “morally correct.” Truth is, this way of behaving hasn’t really got me very far. Sure I feel content with who I am and aware of what I want in my relationship, but at the end of the day, I am alone, and yes, I’ll put it out there– I am lonely. Yeah I know, love requires you to take risks... I think it is time for me to become more of a risk taker? I am a good girl, and I have grown up thinking that surely my principled ways will pay off at some point, right? There must be some man out there who is willing to see the beauty in what I have become– the beauty of who I am, where I have been, and where I am going.

I just feel like I am ready to let someone special and long term into my life finally. I am creating the best possible version of myself, for myself and my future, but now I am ready to share that side of me with someone else. Someone to stroll the busy streets of London with, hand-in-hand and exploring the famous sites and creating life-long memories. Someone to cuddle up next to while watching C.S.I reruns. Someone to enjoy a picnic with in Hyde Park, or a visit to the museum or galleries. Someone to travel with and explore unseen sights and foreign destinations. Someone to wake me up with a warm latte first thing in the morning because they know I am much too lazy at 7:30am to fetch one myself from around the corner. Someone to find humor in my lack of direction and ability to get lost in every new city I visit. Someone to tell me that my makeup isn’t necessary, and that my green eyes shine the most when they are free from the usual mascara and eyeliner. Someone to care for, and to care for me in return. Someone to love. Someone to be there. Someone. But not just anyone.